Yeah...it's that time of year. The time of year when, the last few, I haven't been nearly so energetic or festive. This year was better for a bit. At least the tree and the stockings and stuff were up before Chris got home from college.
However, the house is still a big giant mess. I had a plan today. I was going to get up and get moving on that front room and get all the boxes put away. Well...it's 1:00 and I'm still sitting in bed. I'm still in my pajamas. I've eaten four cereal bars and some chips and two Diet Cokes. I suck.
I did call my doctor's office and make an appointment for next week. Whew! The shopping is done although nothing is wrapped or bagged. Which is just as well because you can't get to the Christmas tree anyway. James is off to a play. Chris and John are playing video games in the living room. I'm sitting in bed watching old episodes of Law and Order CI and feeling guilty and sorry for myself.
We went to a family Christmas party at Shelly's last night. Good food and good conversation overall. It felt festive and fun, but I find myself feeling jealous and/or embarrassed of my own circumstances. I have all these plans for how to make things better, but I just can't make myself do it. There's no incentive. No one cares. I can make myself go to training, but I can't make myself do anything else. I can make myself go to work, but during this holiday time...I have no "reason" to get up. It's just easier to lay here and eat and watch TV and play games. Then the guilt builds up more and it's even harder to get up. Sigh.
Maybe tomorrow?
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